I'm digging through my laptop for old files that I transferred from my old computer.   THere's a folder called "old docs" and i browse through it and low and behold, i find a short story i wrote in my creative writing class in my junior year of high school.  man, i miss that class and i miss having writing assignments.  enjoy the story it's called "dad." 

I wake up at 6:30 and suck my drool back into my mouth.  Sluurp.  The sound embarrasses me even though no one is around.  I clumsily walk into the bathroom and pull down my pants.  I pull it down past my buttocks- an old habit that used to get me teased in the gym locker room in the 6^th grade.  I learned quickly to always urinate in the stalls instead of the urinals.  I try to aim for the toilet, but miss and hit the rim which splashes back on my leg.  I plan on wiping it up, but I promise myself that I’ll wipe it up later.  I use my foot to flush the toilet.  I’m scared of my own germs.  I put on my suit and tie and head off to work. 

“Good morning...” I say, but my wife doesn’t say anything to me, and my2  kids don’t even look at me.  I walk outside to my car and the wind messes up my hair, I don’t intend on fixing my hair either, it’s just going to get messed up again after my co-workers slap my head.  It’s like clockwork.  They do it every morning even though I tell them politely that I don’t appreciate it.  I hate being slapped in the head.  I get to my office building.  Work is hell, I do nothing but get coffee for my co-workers.  I walk into my bosses office to see if he needs anything.  I see him sitting in his comfortable chair behind his big desk.  It smells like cheap cologne.  Actually, it might be good quality cologne but I hate him so much that I tell myself it’s the smell of cheap cologne. 

“Why the HELL are you late, Robinson?” my boss asks me.

“Sorry sir, but...I’m 10 minutes early,” I tell him.  He gets up from his comfortable chair and walks up next to me.

“HA HAHA,” he laughs, “I’m just messin’ with you, Robinson,” he says and slaps my head.

“Yes sir,” I say.

“You look tense, do you want a day off?” he asks me.

“That’s okay sir, I have nothing else to do,” I told him.

“Well...just take the day off anyway, do whatever you want,” he said.

“Yes sir.” I said as I look at my watch, it says 7:53.

I walk back to the parking lot and find my car.  I don’t plan on going back home yet, there’s nothing left in there that wants me.  I sit in my car and wait.  And wait.  I look at the dashboard.  Nothing goes through my mind.  Nothing.  It was getting dark and so I started my car and I get back home at 7 pm and park my car in the garage.  I walk inside my house and go into my bedroom.  Ted, my neighbor from two houses away buckles up his pants and nods his head to me as if nothing happened. 

“Hey....” he says and he walks out of my bedroom.

My wife lies on the bed smoking a cigarette.

“I thought you quit smoking...” I said.  She ignores me and continues to smoke her cigarette.  I take a shower and get ready for dinner.  I go back into the kitchen and pull out a frozen dinner.  Ted is sitting on my couch playing with my son. 

“You wanna hear a knock knock joke, kiddo?” he asked my son.

“Sure dad...I mean Uncle Ted,” my son says with excitement.

“Knock knock,” Ted says with great enthusiasm.

“Who’s there?”

“Lettuce.”

“Lettuce who?”

“Lettuce in.”

“Hahaha, you’re so funny Uncle Ted, I wished you lived here instead of you know who,” my son said as he hugged him.

“Alright, sport, I gotta go home, I’ll see you tomorrow?” Ted said patting my son’s head.  Ted leaves and waves to me, “See ya. Craig… let’s catch the Skins game on Sunday.”

“It’s Greg.”

“Oh yeah, later, Greggo.”

  I sit down on my couch to watch some television.  My wife enters the room and sits on the opposite side of the couch.  My son runs up to her and gives her a big hug.

“I love you mom,” he says with joy and turns his head to look at me, I smile at him, but he doesn’t smile back.  I walk back to the microwave and grab my dinner.  I tell my wife I’m going back to bed.  I sit on my bed and pull out my .38 from the drawer in my night stand.  I stick it in my mouth and close my eyes.  I take it back out and put back in the night stand.  I turn off the lights and pray that I don’t wake up tomorrow morning.